I Don't Want To Grow Up

I don't really think of myself as a grown up... of course there are occasional reminders: work (okay; so that's a constant reminder... had I been smart, I would have done something that required many, many, many more years of school); the fact that I'm facing my ten (!) year college reunion; and, oh. The multitude of weddings that I've attended in the past few years.

After all, I still watch bad tv. And by bad, I mean, really bad. My favorite shows are the Gilmore Girls, Cheerleader Nation, Sweet Sixteen... and basically, anything on the "WB." Other than the obligatory daily activity (work), I pretty much lead a carefree life and get to relish in the things I like, at my whimsy (guitar, museums, friends, travel, movies).

But where I'm starting to get all tripped up is in the fact that my friends-- the single-then married 20-then-barely 30-somethings-- are starting families. As in, BABIES. So, okay, rolling with the punches, as I usually do, I thought to myself... baby, one baby, I can handle that. At first it was somewhat overwhelming... the baby showers (realization that we really are capable of procreation), physical beings (oh, there's really "parenting" involved) and then schedules (life really isn't going to be like it was before) and ultimately the baptisms (baby really here, acknowledged and not going away).

So, adjustment withstanding, there's still the grasping at straws phase, followed by the marriage and the first baby phase. You adjust to the marriage; then the baby... and you can still convince yourself that you're young and carefree... and then it hits you. Your friends who are parents don't have the carefree life that you still have... and then the bomb drops. Baby number two. Baby number TWO?!? It's cemented... written in stone... we're adults. Grown ups. One kid is one thing... we can still play the young singles and count on babysitters and bringing baby to dinners, and the whole nine yards. You can still play the young game... until baby number two comes along... and you become a family.

So maybe I'm not in the same place... and sometimes, even though it makes me sad and even when I know that for me, I'm in a really good place and if given the opportunity, I don't know that that's the place I'd want to be... I see these little things... these babies that are products of people I love so much, that I have the opportunity to be in their lives and part of shaping who they get to be... who they will become and all the possibility that is wrapped up in them. And I know that even though I may be in a different place, that they are a gift to the world... that life evolves and really, it becomes better... and that utlimately growing up... just might not be such a bad thing.