The Argument of a Not So Classic Beauty

So, there's this ongoing debate that goes something like this:

"It's inconsiderate when your partner changes their appearance; like gains a ton of weight. It's selfish."

"What do you mean? People gain weight when they get older; or they could have a medical condition; metabolism changes, women also gain weight differently than men, and vice versa. It doesn't mean they're selfish-- it means they're aging."

And so on, so so forth.

One time it was prompted by a super skinny man walking down the street holding the hand of a not so skinny woman, followed by a comment about the woman probably not being that size when they initially got together. And then all hell broke loose.

It's not the way it sounds-- of course medical conditions and extenuating circumstances don't play into the debate. But regardless, it always ruffles my feathers. Is it simply about looking at the whole men vs. women / venus mars thing another way? The debate is based on the theory that men are typically physically stimulated while women are emotionally stimulated. But I can't get past the superficial part of it. Because, do you really fall in love with the way someone looks? Is that a fundamental difference between men and women?

I get the whole, "You can't judge looks across the room" argument. Sure-- there's always some sort of physical attraction that draws you to someone initially. But for something sustainable, there has to be more. Maybe it's because I've never really fallen in love with traditionally "good looking" men-- by societal standards, I suppose. To me, they're really cute... but I've always been attracted to intelligence, humor, talent, personality. Once, when asked what my type was (likely in the period of my life that I refer to as the "lean" dating years), my sister quipped, "Dork." I loved that-- because to me, dorks are the smart, interesting ones. And I like the smart interesting ones. And lord knows I'm no classic beauty-- pretty average in fact; not fat, not thin; an interesting mix of features courtesy of my caucasian father and hawaiian / chinese / korean mother... but beautiful? Not so much.

Besides; personalities are constant (for the most part)... it's who you are. What you look like changes-- your hair gets gray, you get shorter, a little rounder around the edges... you get frown lines and laugh lines and your hair thins. There's a great quote that I've always remembered-- I can't remember the source, but it goes something like this:

"It's a wonderful thing as time goes by-- to be with someone who looks into your face when you've gotten old and still sees what you think you look like."

Everyone should be so blessed.

Because even if you're not traditionally beautiful, I don't think most people think they're ugly (at least I hope they don't). To me, everyone has beauty in them. I know it sounds cheesy, but I really believe that. To me, beauty is so much more than what someone looks like. It's kindness, it's compassion; it's intelligence, it's being able to make people laugh. Beauty doesn't last forever. But the other stuff does. At least a lifetime.

But maybe this is the argument of a not so classic beauty.