Thursday, November 16, 2006

Sucker Punched

Have you ever come to the realization that you may love someone that you don't even really like? Not necessarily family (because, come on, all of us have that one cousin who just sucks, and you wonder why you're allowed to choose your friends when you are stuck with family), but friends... or people you think are friends.

It's a hard lesson to swallow (euphemisms are not my forte, but I'm sure you get the gist).

Self-worth is something that we all contemplate at one time or another-- are we smart enough for this school; are we well-behaved enough for our parents to love us; are we talented enough for the lead in the play/spot on the varsity team/solo for the a cappella group; are we popular enough for the cool kids; are we good enough to be loved? There are some of us that know we are; we surround ourselves with people that are going to tell us nice things, no matter how ingenuine (think actors)-- and sometimes those people turn out to be arrogant and have over-inflated egos, and make other people feel badly so that they feel good.

Then there are those of us who question every move we make, and surround ourselves with people who only make us feel worse about ourselves. And feeling worthless is a horrible, horrible thing. Imagine being in relationship after relationship where you always feel like you're a second class citizen; the runner-up; the alternate... that that person has only chosen you because the first choice didn't work out, and you're so accomodating and work so hard to fill the imaginary gap left until you actually believe that all of that's true. Then imagine feeling that way every single day you wake up.

You trick yourself into believing that they really do love you, but they haven't quite figured it out yet; and, if you work hard enough and do enough nice things and fill in that imaginary gap that, they're going to wake up one day and realize that you're amazing, and that there's never going to be anyone like you, and there never was, and then they're finally going to tell you. Just that simple act of telling you that they appreciate you. But you'll wait forever. You see, the truth is, they never deserved you in the first place.

I told my niece today that I loved her-- and that someone should tell her that multiple times a day, everyday, and that she should always know what she's worth and that she's loved. I know she won't necessarily remember this (she's only 10 months old), but maybe something in that little baby subconscious will hold on to those words. Everyone should be so blessed.

So back to the question at hand... can you still love someone when you realize that you don't like them?


Proud Papa said...

I always thought you could love family and not like them 1/2 the time. Don't know who else would fall into that category. Tell Aloha I love the mac nuts!!! My favorites!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

So back to the question at hand... can you still love someone when you realize that you don't like them?

No. You can feel like you need them, and even then, it's more about familiarity, or some perceived lack being numbed.

You see, the truth is, they never deserved you in the first place.

This bears repeating, I think. It is good to be able to say this. It's better to get to the point of believing it. I have no advice about how one might go about that, 'cause that's more of a personal, spiritual-journey kinda scenario.