Out of Commission

So, I'm going to be out of commission from the blogging world for a few days (hmmm... as is the norm as of late, so it seems), but this time for much better (but much less interesting) reasons. Cryptic as it may sound, I'm leaving you with a looooong post to tide you over. Deep breath.... aaaaand GO!

I've been thinking a lot in the last few years about my friends and family and people in general-- how certain people come into your life, and how you learn something from every encounter... be it good, or bad... and that even the seemingly bad things can have something good come out of it. Like opening a door to meeting new friends that can change the course of your life (you know, the whole, "whenever a door closes, somewhere a window opens.") Whenever I really start thinking about these things, it makes my head spin... how such little, seemingly meaningless decisions can have a huge impact on who you meet and who you grow to be. For me, one of the best examples (and those who know me well know that I talk about this ad nauseum, so apologies in advance) was choosing a small, liberal arts, relatively unknown (by California standards, at least) college. It opened, and continues to open, so many doors for me... and I made the best friends of my life there.

I guess all this to say, I really think that there are people that you are meant to meet. I'm not one to believe in destiny, necessarily... I strongly believe that you have control over your own destiny, as dictated by the decisions that you make. If you think about the millions of people in the world, and who your friends are today... what is it that brought you together? At some point, we all made a similar decision... where we went to school; whether we were grunge, granola, nerd or "b.p.;" where we lived; what our career was going to be. And along this decision tree, we picked up people and connected with them, if you will... and, for the ones who stuck, something in our mutual souls recognized one another... be it from a past life (if you believe in that sort of thing), a kindred spirit, or maybe even a future life. I really believe that there's something in our make-up that has a say who becomes a part of our lives. Suffice to say, when I saw "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," I thought the writer and I shared part of a brain in relation to the theory that no matter what the hell you do to try to get someone out of your life/brain/heart, including literally erasing them, that person will always find a way back in because for some reason, something beyond your control, is dictating the "who" of the what-where-why-and-how.

Sometime last year, in the midst of one of these fits of connective thought, I began to think about the amazing people that I am lucky to call "friend" and wondered to myself when the last time I told them, if ever, what they meant to me. And then I started thinking that for all the time we spend doing mindless activities (for me, watching tv), or running around for work, or just trying to get through our lives, why don't we tell people what they mean to us when it still matters? Before it's too late and you're left wondering if they knew? This was validated for me in that I didn't really and truly know what my friends thought about me-- good or bad; constructive or destructive. And of course, no one ever wants to know the bad things, but sometimes I think that if I did, it would help me be a better person... I think everyone has some room to grow in that department. Sure, I know people think that I'm "sweet" and "nice" and maybe too "accomodating." But how does that really differ from the hundred other people you pass on the street? Is that what I'm going to be remembered for when I'm gone? And are the people that I love and admire most in the world going to think that all I thought of them was that they were "smart" or "motivated" or "kind?"

From this launched what I informally called my "30th Birthday Project." I figured that for a landmark birthday such as the big 3-0, I needed a landmark endeavor. Formally entitled "30 Friends for 30 Years," I spent about 4 months thinking about and writing letters to 30 people who I admire, have influenced me, and affected change in my life-- be it good or bad. Some were family members and friends; others were mentors and teachers-- present and past; I even wrote to two people who I have haven't talked to in probably more than 15 years... one which I mailed, one which still sits in my desk drawer because I couldn't find her current address.

Each letter was two-sided-- one side generic, talking about my intention for the project and how appreciative I was to have been lucky to have these people in my life. The second side was a list of unique qualities, specific to the individual that, I admired, had influenced and affected me, or inspired me to be a better person and the person that I am today.

I'm not sure how it may have impacted the recipients, or if it did at all. I heard back from a hand full of them, but my goal wasn't to solicit any sort of response-- it was really and truly my birthday present to myself that I didn't want reciprocated. It was important to me, even if perceived as overly-emotive or cheesy, to tell people what they meant to me. I think that the only opportunity that we have to have any lasting impact in this world is through how we treat and affect other people. I think one of the most important lessons that I learned two years ago when a college friend was killed in a car accident is that life is too short not to tell people how you feel about them... no matter how cheesy you think you'll sound, no matter what you think other people might think of you, no matter how scared you may be. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. Erin's life, and her tragic death, taught me above all else, courage... courage to tell people that I love them and why, and I guess, really, to live-- wholly and without reservation, embracing every experience for what it brings you. It may not necessarily always be good-- how could you ever truly know good unless you have experienced bad? But by taking some risks and putting it all out there, you're going to land on something great someday in return. Just consider the people in your life. What better representation is there of the people we are and the people that we want to be than the people that we surround ourselves with?

I warned you that it was going to be long... I guess I'm waxing nostalgic because I'm nearing my 31 birthday... don't worry if you weren't one of the "30" (as Emmet has taken to calling it)-- or even if you were and didn't want to be! You still have time to make it in for 40.